Thanks to all of you who gave me feedback on what the hell it is I do here.  I think there is a difference between why and what I write and why you come here — and I wanted to understand that.  You helped me clarify some things in my own mind for that I am truly grateful.

For all the talk around the blogosphere these days about brand and mission and purpose and authenticity and marketing I’ve found that I don’t really always fit that model – and that’s okay.  This place is more of a discussion – sometimes it’s with you and sometimes it’s just with myself.  But this beginning task has helped me think through some focus for this outsidevoice of mine – and that’s a good thing no matter where this site ends up.

So here is my mission statement:

…When I close my eyes my life is a magazine editorial.  Styled for ease and elegance and a hint of audacious.  Full of information that makes you think and full of stories that make you laugh.  Like the type, things are pretty black and white around here.  Come join the table – bring a good argument, a great cocktail and an evening bag full of wicked and you’ll fit in just fine…  

I am taking part in the 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge.  This is Day 1.

Because I am slightly insane, I recently signed up to work with the SITS girls and their partnership with ProBlogger to take the 31 Day Build a Better Blog challenge.  This site has taken some winding turns throughout the years and I thought this might be an interesting exercise to stretch my writing.

Not surprisingly, the first task in this program is to write an elevator pitch for your blog.  ‘Cause, you know, focus always helps.  I’ve been told.

But here’s the thing.  I have been playing around with this place for several years now and it’s full of my own stories, rants and utter ridiculousness.  I’m not sure I have perspective on what this place is or why you nice people continue to hang out here.  (Except you are smart and have exceptional taste.)

So, if it’s not too much trouble, would you mind answering that question? Why do you come here?  What is it that you find? 

I don’t think this place fits into any sort of “niche” category, but maybe I’m wrong.  If you had to describe this place, what words would you choose?

(Betcha didn’t come here for the homework, right?  I’ll make it up to you – promise)

Thanks, you guys.

The other night on Twitter I saw a comment that really kind of shocked me.  It had to do with someone making fun of all the discussions surrounding “What Should I Wear” or “What to Wear” to BlogHer ’10.  It would appear this person wanted to make a point about the “real” way to approach a conference and the “real” point of interacting.

It’s interesting to me that this person would think that just because you want to discuss fashion that you may have missed the point that conferences like BlogHer serve greater purposes like new connections, new friendships and tons of education.  As if discussing what you want to wear and being excited about getting a little dressed up or buying a new pair of shoes was all that defined you as a woman or an attendee.

I found it really sad that by making this comment it could deflate the enthusiasm of a newbie/first time attendee.  Where’s the Blogging with Integrity?  Where’s the support for others to come and join the fun and learn?  Exactly when did it become okay to limit the discussion on the internet to only what YOU find interesting or acceptable?  The internet’s big enough for all discussions – so back off the clothes, if you don’t mind, and consider for a moment a few things.

These are women – traveling to a conference who may or may not know a soul and want that extra shot of confidence from looking and feeling good.  LET THEM.  PROVIDE GUIDANCE.  HELP THEM OUT.  If you had a big job interview with a large organization you’d think about what you want to wear and make sure you’re outsides matches the confidence you have your abilities inside.  This is no different.  People want to dress appropriately – why is that so wrong to discuss?

These are also SMART women who know pretty clearly that two days of educational sessions and hours and hours of networking during fantastic experiences are not successfully executed solely on their wardrobe.  An uninteresting and narcissistic asshole with nothing to offer in Dolce & Gabbana pants is still an asshole.  We’re all old enough to know that by now.

And if you happened to have looked on the schedule for BlogHer you’ll notice there’s a fantastic ROYO session specifically for those of us who have an interest in fashion and blogging about it. 

So I’d ask you to give these women a break – and the benefit of the doubt while you’re at it.  For the hours and days and weeks and months of hard work of being a mom and wife and an employee and a daughter and a friend they put in, they are allowed to be excited about a great few days away to celebrate themselves and stretch their wings.  And if they want to get excited about what shoes go best with those wings – well more power to them.

My old high school friend, Shannon, wrote a thoughtful post today and it has stuck with me. You should go read it. Also say hi to her – she’s awesome.

And she’s right. For all the great things social media and this digital age brings there is a side that can feel defeating. Isn’t it easy to see who’s traveling the world, holding the dream job, saving lives, making policy, making people laugh and building a second home?

There’s the girl who became beautiful long after you lost touch. The quiet boy who is now smart and handsome. The technology innovator you never knew. The stay at home mom who looks like she has it all together. The one who had a book published. The one who is working with rock bands.

It can be unnerving, our friends’ success. The second guessing of choices. The “what ifs” that creep in at the weaker moments.

There is a movement going around many blogs asking people to write a letter to their 20 year old selves. It’s an interesting exercise, isn’t it? In many cases sites like Facebook bring you virtually face to face with your life as a 20 year old. How does it look 20 years later?

I think it’s that mirror effect of Facebook that’s so hard sometimes. I don’t begrudge other people their success – and I know that for all the openness and rawness that makes the Internet so compelling and interesting we’re all still putting a measured picture of ourselves out there. It’s the daily exercise of facing old decisions – good, bad or never made – that can wear on you.

Living in the present is hard. Hell, there are times where living in the moment is damn near impossible. But trying to integrate that “life as a 20 year old” with “a life today” – well, it’s still a work in progress.

You guys! Want to help me cross off a life list item?

OF COURSE YOU DO.

While at BlogHer ’10 in New York City, I want to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. It’s not only a Life List item for me, but also right before I turn 40 and, really? I think celebrating in NYC is the way to go. Also? What better time to accomplish it than at BlogHer! The lovely Amber is going to join the fun because helping someone complete a Life List item is on HER Life List. See how this just gets cooler every sentence?

OF COURSE YOU DO.

I’m thinking the weekend is jam packed with exciting things already, but perhaps all who are interested can gather that Sunday morning (August 8th) for the stroll before heading out of town? If you want to join the party which may include other fun things yet to be determined, leave me a comment or find me on Twitter and we’ll see what kind of hungover brave group we get for the event.

(I’m looking at you, ladies of 1970!)

This is gonna be awesome. Join me!

I am going to usurp this little piece of the internet to pimp out my friend April’s genius idea to combine Twitter and Ebay into a TwagSale this Saturday, June 5th.

Go HERE and read all about how my alter ego, The Accessory Whore, will be participating as well as links to the instructions for the sale. I hope you’ll join the fun and end up with fantastically clean closets and a few new finds for yourself!

(That sort of cheesy alliteration can only be pulled off with copious amounts of Bloody Mary on the morning of Memorial Day.)

Ahem.

Don’t let anyone tell you that the whole MommyBlogging thing is a waste of time. They lie. If it were not for this little red piece of the internet, the Mom2Summit and Twitter, I’d have never met Ellie who is now squarely on my list of Most Awesome People in the History of Ever. Her husband and kids, too.

Because we continued to crack ourselves up on Twitter every day and “me, too” the hell out of things, we decided to meet “in real life”. Most amazing for two women is that we decided to meet in real life IN OUR BATHING SUITS WITH LITTLE TO NO MAKEUP ON. (The chicks understand that statement.)

So we met at a public splash park near her house. Benjamin and Leah were convinced it was like going to Disneyworld. Buckets that dump water! Spraying water fountains! Snow cones! Water slides!

Let’s talk about the water slides. There were three to choose from. A small kiddie frog slide, a medium sized tunnel side and a big, two-story one. My kids would go on NONE of them. Well, not entirely true. LEAH would go on only the kiddie frog slide. Benjamin WANTED to go on the huge one, but they wouldn’t let him because he wasn’t tall enough, much to his dismay.

But the mommies did. Oh, YES WE DID. And I’ve got the pictures to prove it.

Top of the slide tower

Ellie’s slide

My slide!

After the splash park we headed over to Ellie’s home for more kiddo playing, some killer margaritas and some equally badass thai shrimp pasta. Not surprisingly the Husbands had some fun hazing us about our prolific internet and iPhone usage and have now decided to form a Non-Blogging Husbands of Mommybloggers Support Group. There may be shirts involved. And maybe a hunting trip. The details are a little sketchy, but Ellie and I may or may not be looking for that URL as we speak.

You should also know that Ellie is a masterful face painter and Leah wanted to sleep in her fairy makeup forever and ever and ever. Benjamin’s Thomas the Tank Engine was a highlight in his little life…until he hung out with Ellie’s oldest daughter who he now has a crush on. He digs the older chicks.

Best Memorial Day weekend in many, many years. It’s hard to beat new friends, good food and a water slide.

You know the great thing about the Internet? That it offers infinite possibilities – in content, in opportunities, in frustration, in interest, in learning, in advocacy, and, really, in porn.

You know the worst thing about the Internet? The same thing. Except maybe the porn. But I’m not done with my research yet.

I started this blog close to five years ago and it has taken a winding path since then. I’ve talked about my family, occasionally my job, weird shit that happens to me, my political and religious views. I have been outspoken and loud and more recently worked to keep my mouth shut on things. It’s hard to have my views in the world today, but that’s okay, doesn’t mean I don’t have them.

There are many who get labeled “mommyblogger” – for better or for worse. I’m not really sure what that title means or how you get that stamp. I don’t believe I fall into that camp. I’m a mom who blogs, but I choose no particular “mom” expertise and I have very little interest in aligning with a lot of major brands because my decisions around products in my home have changed recently.

I do have some very specific ideas about how brands and bloggers and non-profits can get closer together to make the relationship more meaningful and effective for themselves and the readers, donors and constituents involved. Right now that triangle doesn’t exist effectively – and I think it leaves an empty feeling in the blog world. I think we in the social media wave could create a much greater moment in internet history. I’m choosing to work to make that happen.

I have a lot of interests and there are a lot of opportunities I could chase down in regards to what to do with this little (now) red piece of the internet. That being said, there are times when you have to simplify – remember why you started jacking around on the internet to begin with.

There’s a lot of chatter around about being your “authentic self” online and off. I might have forgotten that for awhile. I spent a year not too long ago decidedly NOT talking about certain things. I made some decisions to just shut the hell up and while I was looking around the blog world shifted a little. I’m not sure I’m on board with where it shifted to, but that doesn’ t mean it’s where it has to stay. The internet is nothing if not wildly fluid.

So, it’s time to get loud again. I’m not a writer and certainly not a journalist, but it’s time to tell a good story and share a point of view – regardless if it’s shared by all who visit here. It’s time to ask the hard questions, laugh at the world and myself a little, spread a little information and hopefully find some new friends along the way.

It’s time to get back to basics and down to brass tacks.

It was all I could do to walk into that ballroom. I was on the tail end of a raging head cold. I was fighting the worst asthma issues I’ve had since diagnosis 6 months ago. I was fighting my inner introvert. I knew no one.

There were others who met up with hometown friends. Some finally got to meet blog and commenter friends from across the miles. Others are just downright conference junkies.

There were rockstars and influencers and newbies and virgins. Both sides of the aisle were represented in open discussions around blogging and PR rules of engagement. There were messages of vision and purpose and usability and renewal.

There were “ah-ha’s” and “me, too’s” and “no WAYs!” in every session – and in every minute there was inspiration and energy and resounding resolve to keep at it. What we do matters.

What WE do. WE. Until these two days I’m not sure I considered I could be part of a WE. Part of that WE.

I spent the better part of Day One in the shadows. Quietly attending sessions, nervously introducing myself to unfamiliar faces at a table for lunch or learning. Furiously taking notes. Waiting for the real reason I chose to attend to show up.

I thought I was there to validate an idea I’d had for two years. I asked strangers for their thoughts on the idea. Most said it was good – some said it was inspiring. It was nice to hear. But it all changed on Day Two.

On Day Two I sat and listened to the keynote address by Heather, Maggie and Gabrielle. The room was absolutely electric. Captivated. We sat at the feet of the masters (mistresses?). And then I heard it. “If you don’t really love what you are doing or writing about – it will never work.”

Right.

RIGHT!

I realized I had a really good idea, but it was not mine to execute. I loved that it was a good idea – but it was not a love or passion. It was just exciting to have a good idea. And that’s not enough.

But then I had THE idea.

Something so fun and interesting to me that I thought I felt like a spotlight turned right on me and I might have squealed a little bit in the middle of that discussion. I had to look around to make sure I hadn’t. (No one seemed to have noticed.) And while the Ladies Extraordinaire continued on about purpose and interest and passion and inspiration I rode that idea all the way to GoDaddy.com on my iPhone and bought the domain that will become my next internet adventure.

It was in that moment that I didn’t feel like I needed to sit quietly in the shadows at the conference. I figured it out.

There’s an old saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” I never understood that fully until this weekend. My teachers appeared in many forms filled with information and inspiration and “OMG that is a fucking GREAT IDEA!”

That was even nicer to hear – and I am thankful for all that was shared. I promise you they were lessons well learned.

The Mom2.0Summit was the scariest and most interesting thing I’ve done in awhile – and that fun and fear cocktail is best served up ice cold with a fancypants umbrella in it. It is that cocktail I raise in toast of the women and men of Mom2.0 – here’s to a year of meaning, fun and inspiration.

Just imagine the stories from this coming year we will bring to New Orleans in 2011.

I signed up for the mom 2.0 summit last night.  Someone get me a cocktail. 

I feel like my inner entrepreneur and ‘net whore is just SCREAMING with enthusiasm but my little-known inner introvert is absolutely DYING right now with anxiety.

D-Y-I-N-G.

It is not often that I am rendered speechless or in just plain ol’ awe, but I get the distinct feeling that walking into that opening night party or the first day of the session could possibly render me both of those states all at once.

Not only will I know NO ONE (WHERE THE HELL IS THAT DRINK ALREADY?!), but my G-d the talent level of these ladies and men who are presenting is impressive.  These are the kinds of people I always love to be around – to work with – to brainstorm a seedling idea with over a drink on a napkin.  (Or would that be an iPad in coming days?)  So from that perspective this is going to be amazing.

I have this idea.  I’ve had it for a couple of years.  As I’ve watched this blogging community morph and grow and prosper and all but take over and transform media I’ve occasionally thought my idea was really, really good.  There were times when I didn’t.  There were things that took me away from this community.  But I’m hoping that this conference will help me know for sure whether this dog can hunt.  It’s time to take a deep breath, man up and take a shot at it.

Or at least find out if my gun is loaded with the right ammo.