The dog shit on my passenger seat.

Yeah, you read that right. Doncha wish I had pictures? Didn't think so.

I was taking her home from getting groomed and she was sitting so nicely on the passenger side (as she does) when suddenly she jumped up, started to circle (which she rarely does) and then squeezed (which she HAS NEVER done).

I grabbed a dry cleaner bag I happened to have in the car and tried to catch, uh, it, but with only minimal success.

Things I have learned:

1. Anything that comes out of a body colored yellow smells VILE.
2. If you roll all the windows down and continue to drive at 35 miles per hour you can "outrun" the odor for a short time. After that? It tackles you, rapes your nostrils and voluntarily gags you.
3. Having a 6-year-old in the car at the time is only moderately helpful.
4. Perforated leather seats, while comfortable and breathable during hot summer months, do not help the situation as certain things get lodged in the little, tiny, gazillion perforations.
5. Calling your Husband and announcing he needs to pick up dinner may not always work, but when you add the phrase, "Because the dog shit in the car!" ALWAYS works.
6. While the people at the car wash are paid professionals, it is humanly impossible for someone not to (a) recoil and (b) laugh when the customer says, "Can you help me get dogshit off my passenger side seat immediately if not sooner?"

Now if you'll excuse me, I have two ceiling fans to put together and no idea how to thread 3 tiny wires through a 3 foot long downrod.

Downrod. That sounds kinky.