A long time ago, when I worked in the corporate world, I took a lot of assessments. In various positions at various companies, I ended up taking these assessments repetitively – one in particular: the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator. It always ended up the same: INTJ.
I stumbled across a bunch of INTJ information the other day in a random stroll through the Internet and I was reminded of several things I had forgotten about myself. True to my description, I’m very clear on what my strengths and weaknesses are. Very. You will never hear me say I can do something that I cannot. The best thing I ever learned was to surround myself with people who were better at the things I was terrible at, and let them run.
For all the things I am good at, you never want me (a) managing people, or (b) executing long-term projects. Those who have worked with me or for me in the past can vouch for this. It’s fine. You need an idea or a catalyst? I’m your girl. Energy and momentum to get something started? Right here. Focus on details for extended periods of time?
Nope. I’m not good at it.
And, yet, for six months, I’ve dealt with moving, construction, bat mitzvah stuff, contractor issues, moving again, and any number of other day-to-day things that have split my energy and concentration into a million pieces.
I just haven’t done it well. The problem is, the litmus test for this is my kids.
INTJs are not the ideal parents. At least not “Hallmark Channel movie” parents. There are things we have to consciously work on to overcome our shortcomings. But, when overwhelmed with things not in my sweet spot, those things get pushed aside.
It all came to a head tonight for me. The months of juggling things, managing new and ever-changing schedules, multiple 5am wake ups for no reason, living in a house that is still, for whatever reason, not my “home”, idiot contractors, an endlessly needy seven year-old, and a twelve year-old that is stressed out about just about everything on her plate right now, all crashed into several moments where I just wanted everything over and done with.
It was so bad, that all the joy of Leah’s upcoming bat mitzvah was completely usurped by the overwhelming need to be done with it so SOMETHING would be off everyone’s plate. Truly. Just praying it was March 23rd and completely over. How’s that for fine parenting?
Tonight was not my finest hour.
Tomorrow will be better. All the shortcomings I forgot to work on, I will work on again. Tomorrow I will remember that all of these things fracturing my momentum will end soon. I will remember it will get worse before it will get better, but it will get better. Tomorrow will start with kisses before school, and end with kisses before bed – even if it’s way later than it should be right now.
Tomorrow will be better than today because, hey, it’s a Tuesday, but somewhere it’s also someone’s birthday, right? And birthdays are always good days.
And that’s how tomorrow will be.