I find myself thinking about the idea of trust lately. Much of it is because of some of the shows I’m catching up on and various books I’m reading, but it seems to be a consistent theme and, well, I’m thinking.
It interesting to me that in each of these stories there is this idea of whom you trust with what. A mouthful, but hang in there with me for a moment.
There are those you trust with your job. There are those you trust with your safety. There are those you trust with your care, or your health. Some you trust with your secrets. Then there are those that you trust with your heart – or your body.
And is there one person you trust with all of it?
The lung cancer victim, and high school chemistry teacher, who recognizes how lucrative the meth industry is and just wants to make enough money to leave his family when he’s gone. Who he needs to trust to survive in that world, and how he walks through barriers of not trusting himself is fascinating. And for all his good intentions, he damages the trust in his marriage as he moves closer to his goal. (TELL ME NOTHING ELSE RIGHT NOW. I’m only on Season 2. SHHH.)
I’m watching characters in various stories make decisions or realizations that are counter-intuitive to everything they knew to be true. The strong female, an abuse survivor, raised in a feminist culture that taught her she doesn’t need a man to take care of her, realizing that giving herself fully in heart and body to a powerful man of great strength and high need for control is not the “weak” interpretation of submission. It’s the idea of complete trust – and it’s a mutual exchange of that when he does the same for her.
Most interesting is watching it erode. Watching as a person who was trusted with everything doesn’t fulfill those promises – and the aftermath of those decisions. The pulling away, the quiet distance, the silent bandaging of wounds, and bricking of walls.
I keep thinking about people I’ve known throughout the years and how they fit in to some of these squares on the trust gameboard – and it’s surprising me.
There are those that, because of the time of our lives we knew each other, will always have a haloed sense of pure trust and intimacy. There are those that shared battles and became close friends, beyond the day to day grind, and pure honesty in stories shared became the rock we stand on. There are more, but none that cross all the squares.
So then I wonder, is that outcome my choice? Probably some of it.
But, it’s still something I wonder.