Tomorrow is the start of my birthday week. It is also the first time I will light a yartzheit candle for my grandmother. For whatever reason, it seems like the appropriate yin and yang for this next birthday.
This year, my birthday feels quiet. While others have been spent jetsetting between New York and Las Vegas, or with dinners, or other events, this one will pass with a whisper. This upcoming (school) year is filled with so much big! and loud! and complicated! it almost feels like it is something I will merely observe, not be in the middle of, paddling.
We are at the beach hiding from the beginning of school next week. Sometime on Saturday I will inhale as we drive back home, steel myself for what is about to come, and not exhale until roughly the end of May next year.
I suspect some time this week I will inhale to blow out a candle (or 44) and make a wish. I have a few wishes for this year. Some big, some seemingly small, some are, I don’t know, they just are.
But here’s the thing about wishes – there’s something to be said for having the courage to hope for them. To root for them. I take them seriously because they are serious business in my mind, in my heart.
It’s just a bonus that the delivery system for that wishing candle is a cupcake.