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May 10, 2013

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Somewhere along the way I decided my word for 2013 was going to be “momentum.” I’d put aside the idea of goals; the feeling of “forward” was enough to guide 2013. No more lists, just motion. Intuition. The choice of direction, as opposed to direction itself.

2013 thought that was complete horseshit, apparently.

Instead, 2013 suggested my word should be “patience.” As in, I’ve needed a metric shit ton of it and continue to find myself working with that word. I’m not good at that, and I’m not particularly interested in learning more about it, but here I am.

I find myself, in 2013, waiting. Waiting for the house to sell. Waiting for it to close. Waiting to find the next house. Waiting for a phone call. Waiting to see what’s done, or merely on pause. Waiting for results, or answers.

Waiting, for all its passivity, forces you. You get time, instead of driving it. You look at things longer than you usually would. It creates discomfort after discomfort until you sit in the middle of it and decide to punch discomfort in the mouth. It clouds, but, for some, it clarifies.

It’s reminded me that I prefer motion. I didn’t choose “momentum” for no reason. I respond to energy, to decisiveness. To power. Purpose. Plan quickly and pivot. Grab it. Grab me. Just GO.

I am not a teacup. They are beautiful, but they and their ceremony are too quiet. I am red. Or fuschia. I prefer the strike of the match to the flame itself. Statements. They are what accessories and actions are for. Laughter.

With all due respect, 2013, I’ve had just about enough of YOUR word. I am packing my house. I am making decisions. I am dusting off the Life List and this space. I thank you for the time, but it is time for things to get done. There are things to sift through and ribbons to be tied, gently. I have stretching to do. There are ideas that have sat dormant for far too long and creative hunches that scare the shit out of me and patience gets me nowhere near any of them.

And so, while there is still a chair left to sit on, please take a seat. See? I asked nicely. Here’s some lemonade. Sit quietly over there. I’ve got to move.

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