Mighty Mighty Benjamite: Year Four and Three-Quarters

March 23, 2011


Dear Benjamin,

Well, look at you.  All “growed up” and being a boy.  I thought you should know that you have astounded me these past few months.  Not only are you growing like a weed (and a very tall weed at that), but you are showing me things about your personality faster than I can keep up.

You are a hard worker.  You want to learn EVERYTHING.  If there is something you want to master you just do it and do it and do it until you get it.  There are times you get frustrated and those times include some mini-tantrums, but it’s just because you want to do something SO MUCH.  But, man, when you get it – the smile on your face is priceless.

You are unbearably sweet.  If someone is sick (and, oh, did we have some of that this winter) you want to give them a kiss and rub their back.  When your sister was in Big Trouble last weekend, and there was yelling involved, you wanted to know if you could go check on her.  Then you wanted to know if you could go check on Daddy who had gone upstairs to check on HER.  Much like your Daddy you wear your heart on your sleeve and pretty much painted all over your face.  Every emotion rests right in those big, blue eyes.

You walk nowhere.  Seriously.  Walking is beyond boring to you.  RUNNING is the only way to go.  I’ve lost the ability to fight that any longer.  Your exuberance and energy and enthusiasm for even the little things like going to take a bath (which, even then, become a Big! Splashy! Mess!) is endless.  You just want to GO – and I’m beginning to wonder if I can keep up.

For all your loudness and energy and just general BOYness that fits in your tiny shoes, you really are cautious and observant in new situations.  I can always tell when you are nervous or contemplating something because you keep one or two fingertips in your mouth.  Sometimes you let Leah try things out first before deciding it is okay.  That just fine with her, she likes to be your hero.

The worst thing imaginable to you is the thought of being left behind.  I’ve never seen you so heartbroken as the moment you thought we were going somewhere and leaving you behind, alone at home – but I’d only picked up my keys.  It took several minutes to convince you otherwise and then it took many, many hours of snuggles and hugs and hand-holding to help comfort you.  I don’t know what triggered that, but I’ll never forget the look on your face and in your eyes.

There are times, though, when leaving sounds like a fantastic idea – if only in fantasies.  I think you are out to win some sort of Little Brother Aggravating Pest Award when it comes to your sister – and I wish you’d just stop.  This stage of four-and-three-quarters is wearing thin on her and and Daddy and I.  As is the bickering and the whining.  A LOT.  There are these days where you are the MOST aggravating little boy on the planet, but the at the end of the day you want to rest in bed with me and lay your stubborn blonde head on my shoulders all snuggled up and soft.

Well, what am I supposed to do with THAT?! I’ll tell you what – forget you were an asshole for four hours and lean over and give you a kiss.  Because I can.  I know these days of you thinking I hung the moon and wanting to hold my hand and letting me kiss you and tousle your curls will not be here forever.  So I’ll take what I can get and hope for some more bathtime silliness, more stories in your bed, more nature walks and adventures at the grocery store.

I’ll try to remember that all the whining and bickering and stubbornness is just you trying to become you in the shadow of us.  I’ll remind myself that sometimes when you argue you really are right – and to listen very closely because there are some startling moments that happen when you speak.

Because that’s what you do these days – startle and surprise and smile.  I hope it never stops.




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4 Responses to “Mighty Mighty Benjamite: Year Four and Three-Quarters”

  1. Jonathan Says:

    He’s your little man 🙂 Wonderful post!

  2. annie Says:

    Wow – this post is such a wonderful gift to your son! Beautiful! Thank you for sharing him with us.

    • pamlewis Says:

      Thank you, Annie – that is very kind. 🙂 He’s pretty cool — but I could be waaaay biased. Maybe.