July 29, 2010


There are these days. 

There are these days where one word defines the entire day.   Some days it’s as simple as “simple” or “beach” or “win” or “end”.


There was no other word after that one today.

It just sat there.  In my head.  Like a g-ddamned stone.  Unmovable.

There were other words that floated around in conversation… 1 in 9 girls … highly treatable … periodic adjustments … possible fertility challenges … pregnancy monitoring… auto-immune disorders…

… no she won’t grow out of it.


No.  Not okay.  Wait.  Two weeks ago I was stressing over letting her shave under her arms and the possibility of an early period.  Now it’s hypothyroidism, medication for the rest of her life and worries over growth and development.

And I know, I KNOW this is nothing.  In the scheme of things this is nothing.  My inbox full of CaringBridge email updates proves that to me every single day.

But still.  She’s my Swimmy.  She’s had the best summer of her young life.  She is fun and funny and spunky and, man, has she gotten to be cool lately. 

This doesn’t change any of that.  As a good friend said to me today, “This is just her hand to play.”

It’s just that I know what’s in the deck.

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14 Responses to “Answers”

  1. Candice Says:

    I’m sorry that you are going through this. I think as parents we learn something we never realized. Being a parent/mom means that anything that happens to your child whether born w/it or an accident becomes your heartache. It may not be theirs as much as ours. Please remember that you are not alone. (just stopping by from SITS 31DBBB)

    • Pammer Says:

      Thanks, Candice – and you are right. That whole “heart walking around outside your body thing” is spot on. Thanks for stopping by – we’ll return to the more lighthearted topics shortly! 😉

  2. Kathryn (@Kat1124) Says:

    It’s not nothing. It’s your baby girl and you want her to be healthy; it’s what we all want, and we are devastated when our kids have to deal with serious health issues. Because we want them to have the best, of everything.

    So sorry for your news. {{{Hug}}}

    • Pammer Says:

      Thank you, my friend — and yes, nothing less than everything perfect is not enough. 😉

    • Kamryn Says:

      enn0dch&#823l;.eidlich war es heut soweit…..ich bin ja so glücklichauch ich bin im Besitz einer tollen Fanbox….der hammer!!!das Album ist der Wahnsinn…jedes einzelne Lied ein Traum….ich könnt heulen vor Glück und Freude!jippi….:D

  3. stephanie Says:

    I am so sorry you all have to deal with this. On the positive side (as much as there can be), you were proactive enough to notice something might not be quite right and got it diagnosed and monitored before she started showing many symptoms. Swimmy is a smart, strong girl, and you are a kick-ass mom. This really sucks, but if anyone is capable of handling this, you gals are.

    • Pammer Says:

      Yes – I’m all for proactive. Apparently this is the type of thing that just slowly happens and until there’s some sort of issue or symptom you just never know. We just HAPPENED to have caught it while looking for something else. So, yes, that is most certainly a positive thing. Thanks for the nice words. 🙂

  4. Jonathan Says:

    If all Moms were as good as you, the world would be a very, very different place.

  5. Michelle H Says:


    You might not remember but I was diagnosed with the same thing in HS. I know it might sound like a big scary thing, but it is actually quite managable with medication and getting checked out regularly. Take comfort in the fact that you caught it early and she did not have to go through surgery, as I did. HUGS to Leah and your family 🙂

  6. Amy B Says:

    Pam, I have been feeling the same way today. Wednesday, we learned that my eldest (10) has ADHD. I knew something wasn’t right, that he was having too hard a time at school, couldn’t organize himself to save his life, etc., but the teachers kept insisting that he was fine, he just needed to apply himself. Well, now we know different, and while I am glad to know, and I completely get that it could be so much more/worse, I am still trying to get my arms around what this means for him for his life, and for me, honestly.

    You are a great parent, and while I don’t know the first thing about hypothyroidism, I do know that together you will come up with the best life ever for your dear, beautiful Leah.

    That said, you do deserve a minute – I am still having mine.


    • Pammer Says:

      Amy – Leah is ADHD as well. You can read a little about her early experience starting here:

      Also under the tag of ADHD in my tag cloud.

      I understand where you are right now and what you are facing. If you have any questions or just need an ear, feel free to email me. Leah is kid #2 with ADHD/ADD so I’ve seen it a few times at many ages. Don’t worry – it will be a change for all of you, but it’s doable. 🙂

      Thank you for your kind words – xo


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