Open Letter: Dude in the Middle Seat

July 9, 2010


Dear Dude in the Middle Seat on the Plane Last Night:

Stop touching me. It’s the last row of this plane and it’s crowded. All I want to do is lean my head on the side of this window and go to sleep with a little help from my friend, Dramamine. I’m finding it hard to do that because you are sitting with your legs WAY too pronated and your arms crossed and now you are violating my space, my thighs and my sanity.

See that armrest in between us? It’s a barrier. This is MY flight space that is YOUR flight space. Don’t cross the line! Quite frankly, you’re lucky I didn’t forge a shank out of my lipstick case and cut you.

Also. The flight attendants? They don’t care that you know one of their own in Orlando. They just want to do their job which, apparently, includes bringing you Bud Light. Thanks for adding that smell to the experience. I take Dramamine for a reason, asshole, and you are NOT HELPING.

I can’t speak for our other rowmate, but I’m fairly certain Miss head-to-toe Kappa Delta (flip flops included) wasn’t enjoying her experience either. She, however, had the benefit of aisle space to lean into. Lucky gal.

Don’t be on my flight home.


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6 Responses to “Open Letter: Dude in the Middle Seat”

  1. Knighton Says:

    I always end up sitting next to the social butterfly who wants to make me her new BFF, even though I’m reading a book – the universal signal for I-don’t-want-to-talk-on-the-plane-so-please-just-shut-up-already-and-leave-me-the-hell-alone. Gah!

  2. elz Says:

    (little voice)- I used to be the head to toe Kappa Delta, I hope she was nice! Too bad you had to leave right after Leah got home, that must have been a huge bummer. Or, maybe not….

  3. Jonathan Says:

    It works the other way too – I used to get *really* annoyed with pretty city girls leaning all over me on the London Underground – it it happened the other way around, they would have screamed harassment.