Open Letter to the Asshole Across the Aisle

May 19, 2010


Yeah, you.

You and I shared a flight to Orlando this morning where you were less than pleased (and vocally so) about all the crying children on the plane. I believe your finest line was near the end during descent where you too loudly turned to your traveling partner and said, “They could at least do SOMETHING to shut them up?!”

No, not really.

But I’m confused. Did you not realize you were flying to ORLANDO? The most densely amusement park-populated city on the planet? In the spring when the weather is nice? Did none of this enter your mind when you booked the flight? Really, dude, catch up.

Remember when your ears clogged up and I saw you clear them? Yes, I saw that, too. Well, little kids can’t do that and sometimes the pressure hurts. Or maybe it’s the 2 hours on the plane they’ve had enough of. Or maybe it’s because they need their diaper changed. Or maybe it’s just because THEY’RE KIDS, asshole. They cry. Get over it.

For all your huffing and puffing and sighing and eye-rolling in your brightly striped Polo shirt trying cheerfully (but unsuccessfully) to cover your Dunlap’s Disease (not to mention your 2” too short jeans), all you succeeded in doing was making yourself look like a complete dick.

On behalf of parents who have ever traveled with a child (or four) and reasonable people everywhere, piss off.

Also? You’ve got something stuck to your shoe – I’m pretty sure it’s your dignity.

Love and kisses,

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One Response to “Open Letter to the Asshole Across the Aisle”

  1. Jonathan Says:

    I believe the appropriate comment to have passed to him might have been “I’m guessing you have no children – and I’m not surprised at all about that…”