Yeah, you read that right. We’re fighting. Sometimes I win, sometimes it wins, but it’s still a fight. After this last round of back injury deliciousness and the added fantastic side dish of food allergies I decided to really focus on getting back in shape.

I’ve been working out in ways I’ve never experienced before – and I love it. But sometimes I hate the immediate after effects.

For instance, the excruciating pain.

It doesn’t happen often and I can usually tell in advance if a certain routine or new move is gonna kill me later. But sometimes, just sometimes, it sneaks up on me. No warning while doing it, but the next day? HOLY SHIT.

Like say…. Squats.

I did a modified version of those two days ago. A simple up and down motion onto a bench. Feet spread apart. No big deal. Wasn’t too terribly difficult – two sets of 15. Okay, so 12-15 on that last set were a little uncomfortable. But I DID THEM, g-ddamnit. (I have this thing about finishing. It’s stupid.)

Yesterday I woke up and felt, uh, some pain. By noon I was ready to take a knife and cut my quads off my body. Like a fish being filleted. One large blade, held next to the bone, slight sawing motion – RIGHT. OFF.

It never got better and by the time Husband got home from work I could barely move. Sitting at the dinner table was a challenge. Well, not sitting, but actually getting my butt to the chair. THAT was bad. You would think I would have taken that hint that my legs had no interest in helping me out last night.
But I didn’t. I’m pretty sure the pain clouded my thinking. I had this fantastic idea to get in a hot bubble bath, the hottest water I could stand, soak for a while and then stretch out a little. Totally logical, right?

Also? Bubbles!

It was lovely. I read some more of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on my iPhone while I soaked. The room smelled of lavender bubbles.
And then it was time to get out.

Have I mentioned that I have a really large tub? Longer than I am and really deep? No? Well, that information will come in handy for you right about…now.
I couldn’t move. More specifically I couldn’t get my legs to bend and get up underneath me to be able to stand up. It was comical, but not. I decided to see if “backing out” of the tub might work. So, with great grace, I flipped myself over onto my stomach and tried to get up on all fours.

It worked! And, man, did I look hott.

By only the power of my arms and abs did I push myself up to a standing position. Benjamin watched the whole thing and in true three-year-old style declared, “Mommy? Sometimes you’re weird,” and then ran out of the bathroom.

I kinda thought I deserved a standing ovation.

In a past life also known as “consulting”, I was often subjected to tests. Personality tests, intelligence tests, behavioral tests and even tests regarding my values.

Turns out I have some of each.

I could almost guarantee the results of any test I had to take. Some were incredible “so what?!”, a few were “mildly interesting”. I was always ridiculously consistent and really transparent. Never a surprise.

I hadn’t taken one in a while and while I was on Jory’s site (congrats!) poking around for the first time she mentioned in her “About” page how she is a “3” on the Enneagram. I had never heard of that one, so I googled it and came across an abridged version of the test. I took the test and, not surprisingly, came out with one slightly dominant type and several evenly spread types right behind that.

Here are my results. They will be of no surprise to anyone who raised me, knows me and has had to live with me.

Here’s what caught my attention on this test, though. Unlike other results, this one talks to you about not only what your type is about (i.e. How to Get Along with Me), but also why you like being this way, why it’s hard to be that type, what kind of kid you were and what kind of parent you are.

Now THAT is interesting.

We’ll use Type 5 for me since that was my highest score. Here is what it says about Type 5 parents.

Fives as Parents
• are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
• are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
• may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
• may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

All of these things are true. And, yes, you cannot sum up a person’s parenting style in four bullets, but it’s an accurate start. Rope in the parenting bullets from the other very close scores/types and you pretty much build a picture of me as a parent.

As I started to think (Type 5!) about the results I wondered if parents who took these tests saw the results and made choices to continue their parenting style or change it. That’s what these tests are for, right? To give feedback to you and show you a snapshot of your “true self” for you to consider (and for others to figure out how in G-d’s name to work/live with you).

So, the bullets. They gave me a moment to consider the way I parent. Because of my scores being so close in several other types, I put them all together to consider them as a whole. Here is the whole list:

• teach their children responsibility and strong moral values
• are consistent and fair
• discipline firmly
• are consistent, dependable, and loyal
• struggle between wanting to spend time with their children and wanting to get more work done
• expect their children to be responsible and organized
• help their children become who they really are
• support their children’s creativity and originality
• are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
• are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
• are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed
• are often enthusiastic and generous
• want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
• may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive
• are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
• are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
• may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
• may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

There are some themes among these and looking at this in sum I cannot say it’s wrong. My strengths and my weaknesses in life and in parenting are here in black and white. I no longer get all huffy and defensive about the results of these tests – I can look at them and say, “Yep. That’s me.” But I can decide to improve on some of the bullets and focus more on others if I want to.

It was really an interesting exercise.

Take the test. You can find an abridged version here. It’s 38 questions where you have two choices on each. I’m curious to see how it “types” you – in life and in parenting. And remember, there’s no “wrong” answer – so be honest.

Is it correct? Do you think you’ll make any changes from the feedback?

There’s an old saying around management or leadership that says, “Lead, Follow or Get Out of the Way.” Makes a good bumper sticker, doesn’t it?

I think it’s wrong.

I believe the better phrase should be, “Lead by getting out of the way.” Goes against the traditional management approach, but works so much more effectively.
Somewhere along the way the idea of “managing” changed to mean “get more involved.” Somewhere along the way becoming the manager of something meant needing every detail, controlling every message and this crazy notion of losing trust in those that report to you.

Yes, trust.

As a manager you must first do a few things:

1. Make sure the right person is in the right job
2. Let that person DO THEIR JOB

If you have the right person in the right job then you must trust that person to do it. It’s their skill, it’s their passion. They’re good at it. Don’t step all over their ability to perform.

Got the right person? Great. Then you have one other job. Your most important job. You must move obstacles out of the way of those that report to you so that they can be successful.

That’s right. You work FOR them on BEHALF of the team. You want your team to be successful? Make your revenue goal? Meet the client deadline? Innovate? Raise the most money? Sell the most cookies? Pull off that gala or conference?

Solve problems for your team. Don’t become one for them. Provide the opportunity and environment for them to work autonomously but come to you with questions or ideas. Your experience and perspective will be inordinately valuable in troubleshooting roadblocks, don’t worry. But sometimes it’s things like getting Legal off the dime, or a phone call that needs to be made, a relationship that needs an introduction, a priority to shift. And sometimes it’s telling someone “No, we can’t accommodate that request” – even if it’s your client.

And, please, I beg you, enough with the meetings. Meetings can serve a purpose, but meetings with no defined purpose and outcome do nothing but frustrate attendees, waste time and, really? Show the manager’s insecurity or ineptness. Be careful, your “need to be in charge” is showing.

Don’t think moms are immune to this. You have no idea the work that goes into a school carnival or fundraising gala. This is big business, honey. Wall Street ain’t got nothin’ on a mom sportin’ a “Chairwoman” power trip. She will cut you – and she’ll do it in a committee meeting from hell. We’ve all met that person, yes? Hopefully we haven’t been that person.

But no matter the setting, these ideas still translate. Doesn’t matter if it’s a consulting firm or a school fundraiser. You want to lead? Clear the path and GET OUT OF THE WAY.

Today, my Swimmy, Leah, turned nine. I haven’t found the words to describe her year yet, but I have found the images and the soundtrack. Happy Birthday, Leah – I love you for who you are and for who you are becoming.

Love,
Mommy

Leah’s 9th Birthday from Pammer on Vimeo.

Yeah, you.

You and I shared a flight to Orlando this morning where you were less than pleased (and vocally so) about all the crying children on the plane. I believe your finest line was near the end during descent where you too loudly turned to your traveling partner and said, “They could at least do SOMETHING to shut them up?!”

No, not really.

But I’m confused. Did you not realize you were flying to ORLANDO? The most densely amusement park-populated city on the planet? In the spring when the weather is nice? Did none of this enter your mind when you booked the flight? Really, dude, catch up.

Remember when your ears clogged up and I saw you clear them? Yes, I saw that, too. Well, little kids can’t do that and sometimes the pressure hurts. Or maybe it’s the 2 hours on the plane they’ve had enough of. Or maybe it’s because they need their diaper changed. Or maybe it’s just because THEY’RE KIDS, asshole. They cry. Get over it.

For all your huffing and puffing and sighing and eye-rolling in your brightly striped Polo shirt trying cheerfully (but unsuccessfully) to cover your Dunlap’s Disease (not to mention your 2” too short jeans), all you succeeded in doing was making yourself look like a complete dick.

On behalf of parents who have ever traveled with a child (or four) and reasonable people everywhere, piss off.

Also? You’ve got something stuck to your shoe – I’m pretty sure it’s your dignity.

Love and kisses,
Pammer

The toe ring is back. Also Friar Friar Pants on Fire from OPI. Pants are Ripstop Cargos from J.Crew.

There are many of us who do many things in a given day. We work, we are husbands or wives or significant others, we are parents, we are daughters and sons, we are friends.

Sometimes all of those things collide in explosive and overwhelming ways and days and days go by with no time to sit and just “be”. Sometimes it’s not about to-do lists because the amount of things that need to get done and the time they need to be done in blow that idea of organization out of the water and the paper the to-do list was written on may as well be Kleenex.

I’ve spent the past 8 weeks traveling for some portion of every week. It is, not surprisingly, exhausting. I signed up for it because it was a finite amount of time that could be managed as opposed to a lifestyle choice. I also agreed because, well, it’s part of my job. Truth be told I like traveling and I like meeting and talking with people and I like conferences. Most of this travel has just been in one night and out the next which isn’t so fun.

The fallout from all of this is a house that’s slightly out of kilter. Routines are mostly kept, laundry is not. The cleaning service still comes but you’d never know it was every here the next day. Grocery shopping is not totally thorough, but no one’s starving. The kids hate the sight of a suitcase now.

I had the past week off from traveling. I came home on Thursday night and was really looking forward to a Friday to do nothing once a few calls were finished that morning. Husband was also tired from doing double-duty and was taking the half day off as well. Then the phone rang at 12:30 and a large, complicated, ridiculous timeline deal showed up and all hell broke loose and there went my day of nothing. That week off from traveling ended up being hair on fire deliverables, demos, conference calls and pricing and expectation setting.

Did I mention Benjamin was home sick that week as well? Hmmmm, yes. With Pink Eye and fever. He was kind enough to share the pink eye.

It’s been nonstop since… well since ever it feels like. Yesterday I came home from a wedding shower, changed into play clothes, hopped into bed and fell asleep for two hours without even thinking about it. I haven’t done that in months.

Today I have nothing on my calendar aside from usual carpool stuff. It’s a glorious sight. Today I’m choosing to do very little. Today the mere mindless Administrivia acts of the post office, the cleaners, the grocery store and making the bed are comforting. I’m giddy thinking about the lack of thought.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got laundry to do. Ah…

I got pink eye last week because I am 12. No, actually it’s because Benjamin got it and decided to get all share-y. The itchiness and sensitivity really kinda sucked. Then Ellie reminded me I had to throw out all my eye makeup and start over due to teh germz. More suck. Not really the expense I had in mind this month… but…. hmmmm….

I really hadn’t evaluated my makeup drawer in a long time. When I sat down to pull out all the stuff that was in there so I could make a list of things I needed to replace I was kinda horrified. Not at the list (that was a special kind of pain) – but at the state of my drawer. It had really gotten out of hand.

And so, my dormant OCD gene kicked in.

Out came everything. I wiped down the drawer to remove any errant pencil sharpening, hair, plastic tag, button and whatever had made its way into my drawer and into my beauty space. Then I pulled everything out of my plastic drawer divider.

That was a little alarming.

I almost threw it into the dishwasher for a hot water scrubbing, but I was able to get it washed out and wiped down enough to call it good and clean.

Now it was time to really take a look at my products I’d been keeping. This was not pretty. I realized I had products in there that were more than 6 years old. That is just a no-no with beauty products.

I was ruthless with my decision making. If I hadn’t touched it in a year – or if it was broken in any way – it was gone. That shattered bronzer? Bye. The small, sharpened down nub of an eyeliner I hadn’t used in 2 years? Gone. The free lipstick with purchase never touched – even if it was a favorite brand? Trash.

At the end of the exercise I had a plastic garbage bag full of trash just from my makeup drawer. (I also did that under my sink with my hair products – another bag of trash came out of that exercise. I may have a product problem.)

I washed every makeup brush. (Use a dollop of baby shampoo in your hand and swirl the wet brush in it – works great and is gentle on the brush) I cleaned out my pencil sharpeners. I reorganized my drawer and prepared to list what I needed to replace.

I realized that I am fairly loyal to my brands of makeup. I have definite preferences when it comes to eyes, skin/foundation and lips and I’m consistent in my purchasing. I wrote about some personal preferences of beauty products before here, but here are a few updates.

Laura Mercier
Most of my products in my drawer come from this line. ALL of my foundation, concealer, eye base and tinted moisturizer comes from this brand. I also own a lot of their eye shadows in various styles (powder and cream), eyeliner and eyebrow pencils and many, many lipsticks. It is without a doubt fantastic.

Here’s the thing… you should always buy the best makeup you can afford. The pricer brands have more and better pigment in them and therefore stay on and last longer. You also end up using less of the product on your face. I like that for two reasons: you don’t feel like you have a ton of makeup on and you don’t replace / runout of the product all the time. The initial investment is higher, but long term I spend less.

My go-to lipstick for day to day from them is Peony. EVERYONE can wear this color. I swear. Go try it. LOVE.

MAC
MAC’s brand may be a little out there image-wise, but I love their eye shadows. I have two or three that I use on a daily basis easily. Their packaging is recyclable and returning it to the counter gets you a discount AND, again, I love that they are highly pigmented. My personal faves from them include a great shimmery neutral base color called Naked Lunch and a darker brown called Mulch.

Some New Additions
I dropped my bronzer powder and needed a new one. The Too Faced bronzer was recommended so I’m trying that. I am a big fan of bronzer adding some warmth and glow – not the Jersey Shore look. I believe this one will work well. NARS was also recommended, but it was a little dark for my complexion. I’ll try NARS for a few other things – namely their blush called Orgasm that everyone raves about.

I wanted a new eye color for some spring pop and decided on a Lorac green called Lush.

Today I also decided to try a new lipstick from Laura Mercier: Truly Red.

I haven’t worn red in a long time, but it was time to put it back in my rotation. It’s spring after all, right?! I love it – it’s light in weight and bright and can easily be a day and night red. I put it on sans any other makeup at Sephora (that’s always a good look, right? GAH) and got lots of compliments. Give it a whirl.

My drawer now looks like this.

Not pared down to the barest of essentials, but better. Certainly cleaner and filled with products that I am actually using. It feels good to be organized and it feels good to know I have a few easy updates to my beauty product portfolio.

If you were to attack your makeup drawer today, what would you find? What would you lose and what would you add back in?

I was having a discussion the other day about seasonal drinks of choice. For instance, I prefer Gin & Tonic with lots of lime, but only in warm weather. I love big, bold red wines, but only in cold weather. I’m not a beer girl, unless it’s mexican food and summer time.

Around Kentucky Derby time I get a taste for bourbon. This year I bought some and drinking it instantly reminded me of some good college memories. (Also the time that an entire bottle of Jack spilled in my trunk and it smelled for a month. But still, good times.)

It occurred to me that my drink of choice in college is not my drink of choice now. How has yours changed? What was your drink of choice in college? What is it now?

Yesterday was one of those days where it was just busy.  In the morning Leah had her 3^rd grade Sunday School service that she got to participate in leading.  (In case you’re wondering?  Totally adorable and tear-inducing.)  So we did this:

Then it was off to a quick lunch and back home for nap time.  Ah, nap time.  Then up and awake to go visit my mom and then come home and get ready to have dinner with my MILtastic and Jacktastic.

At the end of the night, as I was lying in bed, it occurred to me I didn’t really get to hang out with the kids very much – and that made me a little sad.  It’s no one’s fault, just the consequence of a busy schedule not entirely under our control.

But, then I realized that every day is Mother’s Day around here.  I have some ridiculously cute and energetic and silly and challenging and sweet and loving kiddos.  I am lucky that my current job affords me the luxury of working out of my home office (otherwise known as my bed).  We have a great dress code here – Jeans on Fridays, but Jammies all the other days.  You should try it.

Every day they let me know that I am part of the center of their little silly world.  Most weeks I get little handwritten notes addressed to me with almost intelligible messages in them all ending in “I love you, Mommy!”  I get hugs every day.  I get kisses and giggles and the occasion “crash” from Benjamin.  I get love.

Yesterday I got a special poem from Leah that she did at school:

Thank You

Thank you for helping me when I need help with my homework,

For always giving me comfort when I am afraid,

And for letting me go to my best friend forever’s house.

Thank you for reminding me to wake up when I didn’t set my alarm,

For taking care of me when I am sick,

And for picking me up at school.

Thank you for always making me laugh,

For driving me to a really fun birthday party,

And for a new backpack when my old one killed my shoulders.

I know I don’t say it enough, thank you, Mom, for just being YOU!

Leah #9

Oh, silly girl – It is I who should thank you.