March 14, 2010


Yesterday for the first time in {cough} years I got back on rollerblades. After 3+ months of physical therapy and head colds and strep throat and asthma and CHRIST all else it was time to get OUTSIDE AND DO SOMETHING.

The kids are skating and Husband is skating and I was the only one not skating and I decided that was NOT the equation I wanted so as soon as I was cleared by my most awesome physical therapist I went directly to the sporting goods store to buy me a pair of tiny wheelz. And gear. A helmet, too. Accessories!

So yesterday was a magnificent spring day here and right after the hour-and-a-half nap that was thrust upon me from G-d knows where I jumped up and was all, “OK, come ON! Get the skates we’re going outside!” Tiny feet scattered everywhere amongst little squees of joy and I began strapping on 900 different pads to keep everyone and myself from ending up back in physical therapy for another 3 months.

Here’s an aside that will become important in a moment. Make a note of this. Do you know that in skates you’re like 4” taller than you normally are? I felt like Godzilla in a Japanese village once I had my blades on – I might have ducked going through some doorways.

We have rule in this house and anyone who has ever lived with a toddler will understand this rule immediately. We go potty before just about every activity. I’m sure this bears no explanation. So everyone is done and ready to go and then I realize I need to go potty myself. I stand there for a second realizing I’m totally suited up skates and all but shrug my shoulders and roll myself to my bathroom where things are promptly taken care of. (You get no more details than that.)

So I’m done and ready to get up and go outside and I realize I’m…. stuck. See, those extra 4 inches? Well, they put your knees higher than your hips which gives those of us with weaked lower backs and legs a SIGNIFICANT PROBLEM because you can’t get good, uh, leverage to stand up. Like AT ALL.

Another lesson: You can’t really use the side walls of the potty room to help because you have WHEELS ON and they will roll right the hell out from under you and that ends in crashing back down on a potty seat that really cannot take the kind of impact.

So there I sit, helmet on, pads on, pants around my blade-covered ankles… air drying more than I’d ever choose to. Upon realizing the RIDICULOUSNESS of the situation I actually started laughing out loud. Around that exact moment Leah came rolling into the bathroom all, “COME ON, Mommy!” and I had to ask her to go find Husband.

Bet you know where this is going.


“Well, I’m stuck.”

{laughter} If he’d had a drink in his mouth he’d have spit it out in fine cinematic form.

“Okay. Hang on. Grab around my neck…”

“All right – just remember I have wheels on.”


“Shut up! And we shall never speak of this again.”

“No well shall not.”

I’m happy to report that blading was awesome and I could do all that I used to be able to do and OMG did I feel good to be outside exercising. Also? And this is a total WIN – I woke up NOT SORE the next day.

I should totally give my physical therapist a cupcake for that miracle.

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4 Responses to “Rollin’”

  1. hope Says:

    air drying! tmi! TMI! LMAO though.

  2. Knighton Says:

    That Husband of yours is a good man.

    And you’re not alone in the adventure department. First time on a bicycle in years, and I fall off. On the sidewalk. In public. In front of teenagers.

    *shakes head and sighs*