February 8, 2010


There are days when self-motivation needs a crutch. When there is a laundry list of things to do and you really just need to convince your legs to swing around and off the bed so that you can get moving. Or, hell, even when there is NOTHING to do but for some reason you just need to do something to feel like you’ve earned your place on this planet for the day. Or the alarm has gone off and you know EXACTLY how many allotted snooze minutes there are for you and then begin the dance of how many snoozes you will allow yourself.

That’s when it starts. The bargaining.

Ok. I’ll lay here for another 7 minutes. I’ll wear my favorite jeans, a white t-shirt and my black flats. Do I know where they are exactly? Hmmmm. YES. I’ve visualized every piece so that when I DO get out of bed I can be EXTRA efficient in getting dressed and not waste time fumbling around for what to wear. Am genius. Also? Skipping the hot egg white omelet I considered making to save time and will have the organic cereal. There. Bought some more time. OMG this bed feels way too good for this to be legal. I love my sheets. Today’s a ponytail day for sure. Yes. Not a day for product and equipment. Does Benjamin REALLY need to be at school at 8? I mean, come on. He’s three. It’s not like he’s going to miss calculus and fall behind. Maybe he can get there at 8:05 because OMG this pillow is my friend. How come Leah isn’t downstairs yet eating breakfast yet? That’s not going to end well. Nope. Not at all. You know what? I’ll eat breakfast later. Oh, wait! Dude! I had the strangest dream last night. Wow. I need to remember this one. The best part was that…oh SHIT I forgot it! How does that HAPPEN?! I just knew it two seconds ago and now I don’t. Does that mean I’m awake now? No. I still have two minutes. 160 seconds. A lifetime. Man, Daniel Craig knows how to wear a pair of sunglasses. Wait. HUH? Where’d that come from? Oh who cares. YUMMY. Why yes, a glass of wine sounds lovely…


{Trying to crack an eye open}… Hi, Buddy… {sigh}… yes. You can watch some TV… just please do it softly for a few minutes… Mommy needs to figure out how to get her legs to agree to move…

In one more minute…

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One Response to “Bargaining”

  1. Eric Says:

    Absolutely brilliant. You have perfectly captured the mental dissonance dance that takes place in a person’s mind each morning.