I know it’s been, like, oh, uh, six months since we’ve been together. I’m sure you’re a little pissed with me ditching you and all, but do you have to be such a vindictive bitch?
But, listen, when Husband shows up Saturday to meet you for the first time? Be good to him. ‘Cause we both can’t be limping around at the same time. One of us has to be able to corral Benjamin before he ends up standing on the kitchen table. Again.
With love for Advil and the Ben Gay,