On Monday I resigned.
I thought I’d let that statement sit by itself for a moment.
In all honesty, I’ve been letting myself sit quietly with that statement for the past week. And it has been terribly difficult. I was going to do this in the summer time. I was mentally preparing for the summertime.
It is not the summertime.
And the past few days have been spent with thoughts like “OMFG! OMFG! OMFG! What have I DONE?!” running through my head. Or being sad. I will miss my job. I will miss the people I work for and with.
However managing Benjamite’s ear infections, the medications and their side effects and basically any germ that came within a 3 foot radius of my house had gotten to be a bit much. His surgery, originally planned for 2 weeks ago, was postponed due to a cold. And really it just all spiraled down and around from there.
At one point Husband and I looked at each other and said (almost in unison), “It’s like the universe is trying to tell us something and we’re NOT LISTENING.”
So, we decided to listen.
This is not going to be financially easy and I am potentially leaving a good deal of money on the table that would have been unbelievably useful. But, in the end, it will be better for everyone. We will make sacrifices, plans will get pushed down the calendar a bit, I will see if clipping coupons really does make a difference – and our lives will get some semblance of order and purpose back.
BestFriendWendy has said it will take 3 months for me to get comfortable with this and leave my “work brain” behind. Only then will I achieve Zen and Playdough – or the art of actually being “present” in the moment with the kids while playing playdough without having to think about answering an email, returning a phone call, etc.
I can’t see it yet, but I look forward to that day.