I’ve been doing some research lately on a subject I know very little about but have observed for several years now. The idea of why abused women stay in their destructive relationships.
You see, I know someone. Once upon a time she was a bright, talented, loving, spirited girl. But she was always all of these things and for some reason picked “loser” guys. It never got better and her life got worse. Exponentially. She was never hit, but the way she let men continually treat her is no different. And she never made the easy choice that is so obvious to everyone else – family and friends alike. Have some self-respect. Have some dignity. Expect more. Leave.
And she never does.
So I wanted to see why. Here’s what I found:
There can be many reasons, with more than one contributing to the problem. The categories are not discrete, with many overlapping characteristics among the arbitrary divisions.
The Safety Seeker:
It may be familiar, and oddly enough, a comfortable lifestyle.
Not realizing it is “abuse.”
“No one else would ever love me.”
“I deserved it; I’ll do better.”
“I can keep it from happening again.”
“He’s really sorry, and it won’t happen again.”
“I know I make him sound terrible, but he’s really a good person most of the time.”
“He didn’t mean to hurt me.”
“No one else understands him the way I do.”
“But I love him.”
“I can’t do it on my own.”
I’ve heard almost all of these.
One day I hope to hear, “Enough. No more.” I’m hopeful that day will come. And I’m not the only one. It will take guts. No, it will take balls.
I hope she finds them. ‘Cause until she does, she’ll never get what she REALLY wants.