And I will never mention this again

August 4, 2006

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Yesterday I took LittleMan (in the car! by myself!) to visit my mom. (

Oh, here’s the update: she is officially declared “disease free” – woot! After a horrible – HORRIBLE – first stem cell transplant experience, things are looking up and they are home until after Labor Day, when they’ll go back to do the second one.)

Anyway.

We were enjoying the full-on “Benjamin Show” after he ate and it was so fun to watch him watch her. And vice-versa. All of a sudden, I realized something. I told my mom that he is the “Last Grandchild”. I made that decision permanent before leaving the operating table, and my brother and sister-in-law are done as well for other reasons. So, he’s it.

And I might have gotten a little sad.

You see, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve had some lingering “phantom pregnancy” moments. Here’s an example: I go to pick up a Dr. Pepper and immediately think, “Oh, I really shouldn’t drink this…because I’m pregnant.” Or… “I’ll be so glad to have a margarita – once the baby’s born.”

It’s like I can’t get out of “pregnant mode” in my brain. Much as I disliked it. Pfft.

Now, I know why I made my decision – and, believe me, it is the right one. But, realizing that this little dude is it? Well, it was a little sad. Do I think I could have had a third? No. But I did think about it for a moment, which took me a little off guard.

And this? Is the last time this will ever be mentioned. On to Point B.

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3 Responses to “And I will never mention this again”

  1. Hootie Says:

    If it’s any consolation, my last one is pushing up on three fast and there are times I get a little teary-eyed thinking she’s the last one.
    The thought of another tiny little newborn makes my heart melt, but then I look at the three I have… and I can see that I’m clearly insane wanting to start all over again! 😛

  2. dee Says:

    I have always said that I wanted 2. That’s it, just 2. Now that I see #1 growing up so fast, I’m starting to questions that decision already. I suppose I should work on #2 before I make up my mind.

  3. Hazel Hazel Says:

    Regardless of how many you plan for or actually have, I think many women have that pang of sorrow when they realize there won’t be another one.