Elbows, Knees, Heartburn and Boobs. This is my life.

May 23, 2006


People, I am being attacked. Well, my innards are. Apparently this little 3 pound creature has 953 elbows and 659 knees that are intent on jamming their little selves into my various abdominal parts all damn day.

All. Damn. Day.

And while he is having a grand ol’ time in there, it appears my diet has had to take a regressive turn back to bland, meat and potatoes, BLAH because I have the WORST case of heartburn in recorded history. TUMS and me? BFF. Either this kid or I am going to turn into a walking cheeseburger happy meal. Or a vanilla milkshake. Or both.

And now? My boobs. Which are still fabulous. You know, in case you were wondering. I’m loving the fact that I actually own a set now. But the side effect of this? Itching. Lots and lots of itching. I don’t know if it’s the hot weather, the hormones, the growth (my G-d the growth!), but I have this constant need to scratch and rub and I walk around looking like a badly directed porn starlet.

My boss thinks it’s charming.

Excuse me now. I have to go scratch and roll over.

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4 Responses to “Elbows, Knees, Heartburn and Boobs. This is my life.”

  1. R. Robyn Says:

    I hope you can start eating some spicy enchiladas or something. At least you’ve got your boobs!

  2. jen Says:

    I went through the whole itching phenomena a few weeks ago. It seems to have subsided a bit, thankfully!!
    And the heartburn…ugh. I go through Mylanta like its water. If what they say is true, about a baby with a full head of hair when you have heartburn…
    then my daughter is an ape.

  3. Tina Says:

    I had forgotten about the itching. And I do believe that McDonalds puts something in their food to attract pregnant women. I made two consecutive trips through the drive-thru once for Filet-O-Fish when I was pregnant. Nothing spelled like that should taste good.

  4. Hula Doula Says:

    Don’t you just love all of those fingers and toes that tickle your insides.