Yes, I’m going to talk about maternity clothes again.
Today, I was on a quest. A quest for pants. Pants that didn’t look like the label should read “Barnum & Bailey”. Pants that were long enough to wear heels with. Pants that could go to work and out at night (‘cause I’m such a night chick these days).
And where are these Magical Pants you ask? My friends, they are at the Gap – from where all pants begin. (Well, Gap or the Gap-related companies.) Amen.
I did stray from the Magical Pants Path once and ended up with pants in a color I desired, but notsomuch on the fit. Some of those Sad Pants are going back tomorrow. I may have saved some jack on them, but saggy asses and bad tailoring are not worth that.
And because of the Magical Pants Happiness Effect, I ventured forth into the land of Enchanted Shirts. These were also surprisingly hard to find. But, I persevered. I trudged on through the hippy patchwork minefield, the Lilly Pulitzer obstacle course and the endless camisole tops. I found two groovy non-work-related shirts, the requisite white Gap t-shirt (that will probably be worn more than anything else), and a very rebellious camouflage tank top – huzzah! (I also may have come home with one slightly out of character floaty, gauzy type thing. Shut up.)
And to top it all off – I found a left over Hanukah gift card to a major department store’s outlet center that just so happened to be having a women’s shoe sale. Wha-pah! Black patent strappy mules! (But DAMN I need a pedicure.)
But, alas, I totally pussed out on one essential item I am soooooo not ready to face: a maternity bathing suit. They were there, but I couldn’t take the shot. I know I’m going to have to because when it’s 800 gafrillion degrees outside my ass WILL be in a pool. And, since “naked” is not allowed at said pool, I’ll need something to cover “naked” up… and somehow be able to look people in the eye.
It is at this point that I become frustrated yet again about not being able to drink while pregnant. No sane person would want to shop for bathing suits in this condition while completely sober. I think I may attempt this purchase via Internet so I can limit the humiliation to me and my bathroom mirror.
Yeah. That’s a good plan.