Lesson One: Pregnant Women Really Should Be MADE to Nap
Seriously. We just cannot function properly without proper rest, and G-d knows having to get up and pee a gafrillion times each night does not equal Good Rest.
Today The Swimmy had a birthday party to attend. I picked her up from Sunday School, looking retina-burning adorable in her little dress and headband, and drove her over to the mall where the party was going to be. I had to circle the parking lot a few times to get a decent parking space, but we had plenty of time. We had some extra time so I decided to get her some lunch before the party so that she didn’t get cranky – a very wise Mom move, yes?
Two hours later, she had jumped, climbed, caked, punched, piñata-ed and goody-bagged her little heart out and it was time to hit the road. We say our goodbyes and thank yous and head out to the car.
Right. The car. And where exactly would that car be again?
We literally walked up and down three rows of cars because, like a dumb ass, I couldn’t remember where the hell I parked. I couldn’t even come close. The Swimmy was a trooper, though, and cheerily explained to people as we walked by that we were looking for our car… to which I then received the Pitiful Look from other parents who have been so tired they’ve done the same thing.
(We did find it and got home. And I immediately took a nap. And I’m fairly certain the car is in the garage.)
Lesson Two: Pregnant Women Have the Attention Span of a Gnat
My wireless connection is down. It’s been down for two days. I’m sure if I could just muster enough concentration to reboot the nine appliances that are connected to my having a wireless home, I could fix the problem.
But? I can’t. And really? I don’t want to. But I’m gonna have to because I have work to do. And blogs to read.
Lesson Three: Pregnant Women Should NEVER Be Allowed to Grocery Shop While Hungry
Yes! Hungry! Oh, my G-d what a bad idea. I had to make a quick trip to the store for some “basics” (‘cause on Superbowl Sunday I have NO interest in lingering in a store with the gagillion people scrambling to entertain football party guests).
Here is what I returned with. See if you can guess what my “basics” were:
Dora the Explorer yogurt
Vanilla ice cream
Strawberry ice cream
Bag of lettuce
Honey wheatberry bread
That covers the basic food groups, doesn’t it?
Lesson Four: If It’s Too Quiet, Something’s Wrong
This lesson usually applies to children. In my case, it applies to the Pfluftagus. The other child in the house.
It’s a nice day and I let her out to play. Usually she plays, chases a few birds, patrols the fenceline and calls it a day. All in all? About 20 minutes.
But on Saturday morning, I realized that 45 minutes had gone by and no scratch to come back in. Hmmm….
I go outside to call her and find her sitting on the grass just past the deck with…. A dead baby bunny in her mouth with a look on her face like, “What? Is this wrong?”
I run inside and call the vet who kindly explains it’s probably fine, but keep an eye on her for the next couple of hours for any vomiting or lethargy.
Usually? Not a problem. However, Husband was at work and The Swimmy had to be somewhere in about 30 minutes. My folks were out of pocket and I just couldn’t leave her with no supervision.
And so? I call the vet back and see I they would “day board” her. Of course! No problem! Just pick her up by 1pm.
Uh, I can’t – we won’t be done by then. Oh! No problem! We’ll keep her overnight then and you can get her tomorrow.
$75 later – she’s fine (of course) and home Sunday afternoon. Sacked out from all the excitement… like the rest of us.
After all of this, I’d really like to invoke a “Do-Over”. Can I get a mulligan for this?
No? Then I’m gonna need more ice cream.