November 14, 2005


This new job affords me nice, new things. A flexible schedule, a real budget to work with, fabulous tech toys and a great team to work with every day. I’ve also been given a new, Very Important Title: Director. I’m not really one for titles. A personal motto has always been “I don’t care what you call me, as long as you pay me.”

See? Low maintenance!

Apparently, when you get a Very Important Title, you also get invited to various “leadership events”. Tomorrow starts one such event. Two days at the nearest beach at a nice hotel brainstorming ideas on how to do things better, serve the community better, blah, blah, blah. Normally I’d be MUCH more jaded, but this team I’m on ACTUALLY PUT THIS STUFF INTO ACTION AFTER ONE OF THESE THINGS.

I know. Unheard of.

The problem is at these events there is always the inevitable “social event” full of fun, fellowship and… adult beverages. Not really a problem on any front except, apparently, we are taking a bus to this social event. As a team. All together.

This is where I become unbelievably uncomfortable. You see, I have recently adopted a completely logical fear of being trapped in situations I cannot get out of. I don’t like being stuck in carpool lines, I don’t like it when someone else drives to lunch, I don’t like large, auditorium style meetings where I’m stuck in the middle of the row. And we all know how I feel about elevators.

I do not like Green Eggs and Ham,

I do not like them, Pam I am.

I don’t like these things because my stomach and I have an ongoing battle. I would like for it to control itself, and it doesn’t agree. And so, that is why I know where every single restroom is in the entire city. You never know when you need to make an emergency stop.

Being trapped on this bus and at this restaurant is creating great panic in my well-coiffed, but batshit crazy head and I’m not sure I can get out of this one. I could fake an injury or illness, but that would not support the “team building” aspect of this little adventure. If anyone has any REALLY GOOD excuses on why I most definitely must drive my own car, lay them on me, people.

I leave tomorrow. OTC medication and cell phone in hand.

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3 Responses to “Panic.”

  1. Tina Says:

    I could have written this post (although not nearly as eloquently). I hate being trapped also. Don’t even think about asking me to go out on a small fishinhg boat. When people don’t understand about uncooperative colons, they assume you are anti-social. I finally have my IBD under control, but the trap-o-phobia lingers. Excuses? “I get car sick unless I’m driving, but hey if you don’t mind if I puke in your car…..” Works every time.

  2. bill Says:

    I always sit in the front seat of the bus, right behind the driver. If anyone is already in that seat I tell them to move because I’m a trained navigator and by state law I’m required to sit in that seat.
    Same for aisle seats. Sorry, m’am, but you’ve got to move down. I’m a trained navigator and by state law I must sit in an aisle seat.
    Also, I always carry a GPS just for effect.

  3. Chris Says:

    Good luck and godspeed.