Husband and I have been happily married for that long. Amazing how time flies. I’ve gotten to think a lot about our wedding recently as we’re in the midst of wedding planning for OldestDaughter and TheBoy.
What has struck me most is how much perspective about weddings I have now… 8 years, 6 months and 9 days later.
I wasn’t terribly involved in my wedding plans – on purpose. I had a terrible consulting gig where we were working ‘til 2am almost every day on a helacious project with a demon-bitch client and there really wasn’t a lot of time to do anything else but finish that damn project and be DONE. I only wanted input on a few key things and my parents and wedding coordinator were more than happy to do the rest. (Thanks, Mom and Dad – for everything.)
I had the traditional, HUGE, blow-out wedding at the synagogue and reception with 250 guests (most of whom I knew), flowers exploding from everywhere, etc… I did this for two reasons, really: my Husband and the two girls who would suddenly become my step-daughters at the end of the ceremony.
You see, I am Husband’s third wife (LAST wife is how we like to say it). His other two weddings were not, well, supported by his family and this time I wanted to do two things: give him a moment full of love, tradition, family, friendship and open faith (that he came back to after being away for so long) and capture for the girls the same thing while “officially” creating this new family of ours.
And it was beautiful.
But, in reality, it’s not about the party, the flowers, the dress, the menu, the band. All you need (for us Tribe Members, anyway) is the Ketuba (wedding contract), the Rabbi, a couple cups of wine (ceremonial!) a few witnesses, and you.
What I’ve REALLY come to find out is that the marriage has NOTHING to do with the wedding. The old saying of the wedding is easy – it’s the marriage that’s hard? Yep.
Marriage has been the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done and yes I’m including being a parent in that list. I’ve decided it’s easier being a parent than a wife. I had role models to emulate about being a mom – the wife thing is not so apparent. A lot of “wifeness” is not shared with kiddos so you have to figure it out.
And so, this walk down memory lane has been an interesting one. I’m thankful for all I’ve learned and I hope that OldestDaughter and TheBoy have the same thing that Husband and I have. A marriage of best friends blessed by G-d.