I got stabbed, peed on and pissed off all in one day

September 12, 2005


Well with a title like that one, why would you even need to read the rest of this entry? It pretty much sums it up now, doesn’t it?

I had the following Very Important Things to do today:

1. Take the Pfluftagus in to get a desperately needed bath and haircut.

2. Go do a health screening for my next employer (otherwise known as the HIV, Drug and TB Test Trifecta)

3. Do some wrap up work and find other ways to amuse myself at the office – or somewhere near the office as the case may be.

The Pfluftagus does not do cars well. This is because she knows she is either (a) going to the vet, (b) going to a kennel for boarding or, (c) getting a bath and a haircut. None of these things are interesting, intriguing or exciting for a dog. Ever.

So, wisely, I wore a pair of jeans to drop her off and brought my “work pants” with me to change into because I’ve had one too many doggy grooming trips that involved muddy paws and scratches that didn’t look so good at the office later. I thought I had all the bases covered.

Today the Pfluftagus decided to throw me a curve ball. She got so nervous and wound up in the car that she “leaked” a bit and… peed on me. To give the dog a little bit of slack, she did seem a bit more wrapped around the axle on this trip than usual, but COME ON! Happy Monday.

With that done, I’m off to the health screening. While the Pfluftagus does not do cars well, I do not do needles well. (And yet I work in healthcare – go figure.) I had to fast before these lovely tests, so I’m already delirious because my “last supper” included a trip to a hibachi restaurant for much food, but a wee bit too much sake. And then no food or water. My head still hurts.

The nurses laughed at me as I turned my head 110 degrees away from the site of the TWO LENGTHY stabbings that had to take place. I had so many areas of cotton pads and gauze tape on my left arm I looked like a heroin addict trying to cover her tracks “respectably”. All’s I have to say is – ouch G-ddamnit! Enough with the stabbing and the jiggling and the more stabbing!

And, while I’m sure this is WAY too much information, I had a hard time with the pee cup because I had fasted so damn long and peed earlier that morning that, well, it was a challenge. You figure it out.

So after a lovely lunch a colleague who would die if she was named here (HI!), I was tooling around a local mall for some Retail Therapy when I see a beat up, unmarked van with 3 mentally and physically disabled passengers inside. The van was running, but parked in a handicap parking space and it occurs to me that the drive is no where to be found. Is this asshole inside shopping while these poor souls have to wait outside?! Motherfucker!

I am so incensed that I look for ANY indication of who this van belongs to an, of course, there is none. I ask Husband to look up the Van rental company online so that we might be able to find out what home or company this asshole works for, but we can’t.

I do, however, have this prick’s license plate and will be turning this one over to a loud, obnoxious community watchdog and let him run with it a la Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, which, incidentally, he was involved in.

I think that’s quite enough for one day, don’t you?! More sake! Pfft.

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