Down, Dirty and Out

August 14, 2005

Uncategorized

Every now and then I can put together a slammin’ outfit that could be one of those TV show moments like “Look for Less”.  You know, a few inexpensive pieces, one really nice piece, rockin’ accessories and… voila!  Fabulousness.

Today was such a day.

Except….  I fell down.  In my fabulous outfit.  AND RUINED THE ONE EXPENSIVE PIECE OF THE OUTFIT THAT I CANNOT REPLACE NOW.  G-damnit.

Algae stains on my favorite white pants.  How does one get algae stains, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you…

One part high heels (duh) + one part algae covered wood deck from all the damn heat and rain around here + one part ridiculous klutziness = algae stains on white pants.  Basically one foot slid on the slick decking and the other was all “Holy shit we’re falling!” and with a small shriek I hit the deck solid on one knee (stain here) and my ass simultaneously.

Thank you and good night!  I’m here all week!  Tip your waitresses.

Pfft.

But, Pammer?  I get the Down and Dirty parts… but why Out?

Well, that another part of the Fabulous Outfit’s story.  My very hip brown shirt.  A blousy tank top with my favorite small-breasted-woman’s accessory:  The Built-In Shelf Bra.  However, the shelf bra only supports the underneath part of the boobs.  I know that sounds odd, but it’s true.

I am in desperate search for a pair of perfect not-too-strappy gold shoes for a party this Saturday night and Husband was nice enough to come with me to help me find some today.  He’s not gay, but he can pick some shoes.  So, off to DSW we go. 

Up an aisle, down an aisle.  Up an aisle, down an aisle.  He finds what could be a terrific pair (WHY can’t they have an 8 1/2!?)  I bend over to try them on and… whoops.  Hello breasts.  Meet the nice asian woman next to me.  Who’s staring at my shoes.  Then my breasts. 

Smile, nod, stand up quickly and move on.  Whatever.  I still can’t find gold shoes.

If anyone can tell me how to get algae stains out of cotton pants and where to find fabulous gold shoes – I’m all ears.  And, apparently, stains and breasts.

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