outsidevoice

When Daddy gives you a “zerbert” on your tummy instead of a “nibble”, say, “Daddy!  That’s not a nibble!  That’s an EATING!” After you finish going potty, and wiping yourself, look below and notice the toilet paper is still stuck to you.  Wiggle your tushie back and forth in Potty Mambo-mode in the hopes of [...]

On the TTLB Ecosystem, car salesman are easily Insignificant Microbes.  As a recovering salesperson myself, these people shouldn’t be allowed to use the word “sales” as their profession. Case in point, I went to a Volkswagen dealership yesterday to look at a pre-owned car for ArtsyDaughter.  (Pre-owned… such marketing.)  I waited for the “Internet Sales [...]

Dear Tools: I think there should be a law passed that says if the person 2 feet away from you can smell your cologne / perfume / bath products / body sprays, etc… that you can be spontaneously ejected from the building and arrested for acute, offensive smelliocity. I was at lunch with friendKeri yesterday [...]

When I come to pick you up from school, give every last person in your preschool class a hug before leaving.  Then, when I’m REALLY ready to go, say, “No, Mommy, now THEY have to give ME a hug!” Because apparently 4-year old hugs are not mutual ones.

It appears that my car has some kind of target on it today that is not visible to me – only to the gazillion cell-phone-talking, non-attention-paying, car’s-too-shitty-to-care-what-happens, asshole drivers I encountered on my way into work today. Within 37 minutes, I had: An old man in a rusted out pick-up truck (Texas, natch) casually decide [...]

The Swimmy is a very bright 4 year old.  Frighteningly bright.  And, usually, frighteningly bright = hypersensitive which is definitely the case in this instance.  For example, before a major event or change is going to happen in our house, or in her life, we have to start talking about it WELL in advance so [...]

First.  I was at a Starbucks this morning waiting for the person who will, for the next few weeks, be referred to as TheManofMyDreams.  Don’t worry, after my discussion today, Husband ALSO thinks this person is the man of HIS dreams as well.  More about that another time. Hadn’t been in a Starbucks for awhile.  [...]

While sitting and watching the British Open with Daddy, point to the arrow graphics on the screen (a la John Madden) and say, "Mommy!  That’s a NENORDEGAY!  It starts with a T.  I’ll show you how to spell it." Ask to wear my sunglasses while we’re on the way to camp and jam out in [...]

Somewhere after the age of 30, you begin to be acutely aware of the power of your body (and not in the make-a-man-drop-to-his-knees sense either).  Your body begins to provide certain moments of, shall we say… clarity. I first noticed this when I was pregnant with The Swimmy.  I had a bionic sense of smell.  [...]

Welcome to the latest version of outsidevoice!  I hope you like the changes to the site.  There will be more updates and improvements to come, but I’ve hit my HTML coding geek limit for now.  Thanks to everyone who provided feedback to help improve it!  Sit back, grab a cocktail and enjoy! Cheers, Pammer